We adults are pretty good at reminding kids to apologize when an apology is in order. Why do we do that? Because it's the right thing to do and it makes the other person feel better right? When was the last time you apologized for something? ...and truly meant it? Really think about it. I gave this some thought myself.
Might your apologies be so frequent and empty that you can't even recall the last one or do you not remember your last apology because you haven't apologized for much of anything lately? If it's the latter, then you really may want to consider the fact that if you can't ever humble yourself to take some accountability and apologize for something you did wrong (because I doubt that people are perfect) you more than likely have a LOT of people in your life that secretly lack certain respect for you. That's really not cute. I suggest you work at that because it's a preventable character flaw.
Sometimes saying sorry is a hard thing to do because you might feel like it makes you look weak or it takes away from a point you were defending in an argument or debate. Well, guess what...it does just the opposite. People usually respect you for being grown
enough to apologize and can sometimes (not always, but that's their own problem) be inspired to admit their own wrongs in the matter and apologize as well. You can still stand firmly by a belief or opinion you hold and apologize for your tone or the way in which you expressed it. Apologizing can also build trust in a relationship.
Are you a person who is guilty of just kind of tossing the words "I'm sorry..." around like no body's business? Does saying sorry come to you like second nature? I'm sometimes guilty of this. On the flip side, I even apologize when I didn't do anything! That's a great example of how too much apology can annoy people as well. Anyway, if you are one that tends to apologize with lack of purpose and earnestness, perhaps you may want to honestly consider the impact of your apologies if they actually had more weight and thought given to them before you lay one on.
Just give some more thought to why you are apologizing to someone before you do it and express that in the apology. WOW, what a small adjustment to make that could have a HUGE impact.
How many times have you had someone apologize to you and it felt like they didn't mean it? It's like they could have just not said anything at all and you probably would despise them a little less than you do after that sorry (no pun intended) a$$ apology. Or how about this one ~ You and another person are both at fault in some way and you actually do woman or man up and apologize, but the other person doesn't. Hmmm...yeah it's that lack of respect I was talking about that comes into play. You may let it go, but you don't forget when you feel like you deserve an apology and don't even get one.
My point: An apology in ANY kind of relationship goes a loooong way; especially when it's sincere. Make it clear that you get exactly what you are sorry for and help the other person believe that you will truly try to not repeat your wrong in the future. I have a challenge for you. Really take notice of your next apology and reflect on the impact. Don't let it be another meaningless "sorry". An apology is worth it on both ends. To learn more about the benefits, power of, and even exactly how to apologize in a sincere way, check out this link:
How to Give a Meaningful Apology
Here's to making your next apology count!
You're so right. This is where my husband and I get stuck all the time. I like to give reasons why I'm sorry for this because and now I need to focus on just the apology so they know he knows i really mean it.
Posted by: angela chee | January 2012 at 04:40 PM
I talk about this all the time, but I need to reevaluate and make sure that I am being about it. Awesome post!
Posted by: Anthony | January 2012 at 06:39 PM
Right on Angela! I know what you mean. I was actually inspired by a situation that happened with my hubby. I too am trying to focus more on the actual apology part. It actually can relieve the receiver of potential stress of thinking we'll repeat the "wrong" thing we did, but I think they just need some validation and assurance that we "get it." Thx so very much for your comment and for retweeting the post! You are awesome!
Posted by: Keinya | January 2012 at 07:53 PM
Thx Anthony. I am right there with you. I feel like I know what I need to do, but need to act on it if I wanna reap the reward! That's real...People underestimate the power of a real apology. Thx for reading my post and leaving a comment!
Posted by: Keinya | January 2012 at 07:58 PM
I totally agree--so many people have been programmed to just say "I'm sorry" and leave it there--not even trying to make an effort to learn and understand what it is that they did wrong. My Mom used to always say, "I'm sorry' is not a complete sentence"--meaning that when you are apologizing to someone, you need to make sure that your statement is a complete as possible. ~Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: MELISASource | January 2012 at 11:52 AM